Find from Time

I found this poem I wrote a long time ago so it's not a recent creation

but it was fun to read it again. I wrote it one time

when I was especially hoping to be able to be a mother someday.

It's still one of my greatest dreams even though I'm not married

yet. I've since learned that I can learn to be mothering if not a mother.

A great cavern in my heart brims with love and tenderness,

but there is missing the very core black in its emptyness,
white as a wall ready to be painted.

I cannot hope for that which I do not miss, and yet....

How sweet would be the colors, and what

patterns we could paint in layers thickly spread

with loving laughter as we coated ourselves in

a mural of memories and moments,

But not yet,

I only have these borrowed little smiles

not truly mine but enough to start painting.